It’s no secret that I am my husband’s third wife, and there’s also a significant age gap between us. So, when it came time to meet his ex-wives, as you can imagine, I was filled with anxiety. Not only did I have to meet one, but I had to make a good impression on two women. I’ve always heard that first impressions are everything, so when my now-husband called and said, “My oldest daughter’s mom wants to meet you. She wants us to meet them for dinner, ” my nerves immediately kicked in.

“Umm, what?” At this point, we had only been officially dating for a couple of weeks. He and I started as good friends, and I had already met the kids, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this part. What is she going to think about me? Is she going to want me around her daughter? How awkward is this going to be? Is she only going to focus on my age? Why does it have to be dinner instead of a quick, ‘Hello, nice to meet you. See you later?’

My husband and I were hanging out a bit after work before he needed to leave to get the kids for his weekend. He dropped me off at my apartment, and just as I started to get comfortable and out of my work clothes… he calls. Panic ensues. I try to get more information from him about the time and place, but all he tells me is that he’s on his way back to my apartment to pick me up. I called my roommate. What should I do? What do I wear? Should I ask for a raincheck? My roommate simply told me to calm down. So, neither of them were helping my anxiety. 

I’m sure I changed my outfit at least 20 times. He picked me up, and the three younger kids were already with him. We drove out to Carriage Crossing in Yoder, KS—it was my first time at that restaurant. So, not only was I anxious about meeting someone new and making a good impression, but now I also had to figure out what to order from the menu. It seems so trivial now, but at the time, I was in full panic mode.

When we arrived at the restaurant, my oldest daughter was sitting with her mom, her bonus dad, and her three siblings. Along with my other three bonus children and my husband, there were 11 of us total. We exchanged hellos and introductions, and then… nothing. That large of a group someone was at least talking right? Nope. Not even the kids said anything. The silence was so awkward, and I was sweating—so nervous! I glanced down at my arm and noticed a small spot of grease from work. I could feel my face flush instantly. I hadn’t had time to shower before he picked me up again. She’s probably going to think I’m weird and gross and never like me!

My youngest daughter, who was 2 at the time, asked her dad to take her to the restroom. As soon as they left, for some reason, the conversation started flowing, and it felt like we had always known each other. When my husband returned, he looked around, confused. “Did I have to leave to relieve the awkward tension?” We all laughed and agreed that he was definitely the problem! We ended up having a really nice meal, and now I consider my bonus daughter’s mom a really good friend.

I was talking to her recently and brought up the first time we met. She didn’t even remember it! I had stressed so much over making a good first impression, but that’s not even the first thing she remembers about me. Instead, she remembers the way we bonded later, the way we’ve co-parented together, and the friendship we’ve built over time. It was a great reminder that sometimes the things we stress about the most aren’t nearly as important as we make them out to be.

When I met my husband’s second ex-wife, it wasn’t nearly as dramatic. She was dropping the kids off at his apartment. He introduced us, we said hello, the kids ran up to give me a hug, and we went inside. I’ve often wondered if that’s why we didn’t have a stronger relationship right from the start. We didn’t really have a proper meeting. It wasn’t anyone’s fault—we just didn’t.

Reflecting on the first encounters with my husband’s ex-wives, I realize that every meeting carries its own unique set of emotions and experiences. The nerves, anxieties, and awkward moments may feel overwhelming at first, but they can lead to unexpected friendships and valuable co-parenting relationships.

In the end, it’s not about the perfect first impression or how we present ourselves; it’s about the connections we build over time. Each woman has played a role in shaping my journey as a bonus mom, and I am grateful for the understanding and support we’ve developed along the way.

To all the bonus moms out there, remember that it’s okay to feel nervous and unsure. Every relationship takes time to grow, and what matters most is the love we share with our blended families. Embrace the journey and cherish the moments, knowing that you are not alone in navigating this beautiful chaos.